Grammar:
"the digients are capable of uploading their consciousnesses into a robot body and interacting with the physical world"
"goes into the robot and after seeing Ana, asks her why she is wearing a different avatar"
Word Choice: Amazing
Punctuation:
Fourth, and most important, by these and other means, the posthuman view configures human being so that it can be seamlessly articulated with intelligent machines” (Hayles 3).
And people don't switch their bodies here; we can only do that in Data Earth. Here we always wear the same body” (Chiang 24).
"Many people in the story doubt the digients' ability"
“An idea that may be considered is that instead of technology causing human trauma, we are now the ones who traumatize technology. What if technology, in the form of computers and robots, has evolved to the point where it possesses the ability to become traumatized? This trajectory of thought is one that ought to be considered in an attempt to debunk anthropocentrism and to investigate and broaden the categories of ‘trauma’, ‘human’, and ‘posthuman’” (Olsen 102).
“She can see that they’re agitated and confused. They don’t have the fight-or-flight response that animals have, nor do they have any reactions triggered by smelling pheromones or hearing distress calls, but they do have an analog of mirror neurons. It helps them learn and socialize, but it also means they’re distressed by what they saw on the television” (Chiang 55).
“Trauma therefore revolves mainly around the individual’s inability to comprehend, or process, the traumatizing event. This might have some interesting implications in light of artificial intelligence, which, like the human mind, would be engaged in an act of processing.” (Olsen 104)
"The denial of the digients' intelligence"
"and adapting - just as people can"
"needing anything a human child would need - discipline, care, guidance, quality time - in order to function at their full capacity"
Grammar was great, word choice even more stellar but the punctuation was a bit problematic. I noticed that you kept on putting the dot before the final quotation mark whilst the dot is meant to be put after the citation. Also, there is meant to be some space before and after the dash in the sentences I highlighted here.
The background information relevant to the topic is very well introduced, but I think you should have explained the theories in a bit more detail, maybe even quote the authors. Also, you should mention the authors' work in which they used/developed these theories. The thesis is good.
The paragraphs support the thesis and the evidence is good, but the third one completely lacks any citation. Also, as I mentioned above, the punctuation in the citations is incorrect.
I loved your essay overall and I think that if you add some citations into the third paragraph and develop your conclusion, it will be even more thorough and captivating.
P.S.: Sorry I responded a bit late. I wrote sth like this yesterday but it wasn't uploaded. So, I had to redo it all over again.
"the digients are capable of uploading their consciousnesses into a robot body and interacting with the physical world"
"goes into the robot and after seeing Ana, asks her why she is wearing a different avatar"
Word Choice: Amazing
Punctuation:
Fourth, and most important, by these and other means, the posthuman view configures human being so that it can be seamlessly articulated with intelligent machines” (Hayles 3).
And people don't switch their bodies here; we can only do that in Data Earth. Here we always wear the same body” (Chiang 24).
"Many people in the story doubt the digients' ability"
“An idea that may be considered is that instead of technology causing human trauma, we are now the ones who traumatize technology. What if technology, in the form of computers and robots, has evolved to the point where it possesses the ability to become traumatized? This trajectory of thought is one that ought to be considered in an attempt to debunk anthropocentrism and to investigate and broaden the categories of ‘trauma’, ‘human’, and ‘posthuman’” (Olsen 102).
“She can see that they’re agitated and confused. They don’t have the fight-or-flight response that animals have, nor do they have any reactions triggered by smelling pheromones or hearing distress calls, but they do have an analog of mirror neurons. It helps them learn and socialize, but it also means they’re distressed by what they saw on the television” (Chiang 55).
“Trauma therefore revolves mainly around the individual’s inability to comprehend, or process, the traumatizing event. This might have some interesting implications in light of artificial intelligence, which, like the human mind, would be engaged in an act of processing.” (Olsen 104)
"The denial of the digients' intelligence"
"and adapting - just as people can"
"needing anything a human child would need - discipline, care, guidance, quality time - in order to function at their full capacity"
Grammar was great, word choice even more stellar but the punctuation was a bit problematic. I noticed that you kept on putting the dot before the final quotation mark whilst the dot is meant to be put after the citation. Also, there is meant to be some space before and after the dash in the sentences I highlighted here.
The background information relevant to the topic is very well introduced, but I think you should have explained the theories in a bit more detail, maybe even quote the authors. Also, you should mention the authors' work in which they used/developed these theories. The thesis is good.
The paragraphs support the thesis and the evidence is good, but the third one completely lacks any citation. Also, as I mentioned above, the punctuation in the citations is incorrect.
I loved your essay overall and I think that if you add some citations into the third paragraph and develop your conclusion, it will be even more thorough and captivating.
P.S.: Sorry I responded a bit late. I wrote sth like this yesterday but it wasn't uploaded. So, I had to redo it all over again.