https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WwiCgTWHUKuUFG8IZ5PWVIGaf2DKPkqqdGXKwqH-RN0/edit?usp=sharing
Formats very disorganized so apologies for that
I'll review
Great first draft! I understood your claim and the argument you are going to bring up throughout the essay. There were some areas that needed a little more analysis, but your evidence was really strong. Make sure to find actual quotes and parts of the movie for your evidence. MLA looked great as well.
Comments are on the draft: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WwiCgTWHUKuUFG8IZ5PWVIGaf2DKPkqqdGXKwqH-RN0/edit?usp=sharing
In reply to Camille Hart
Re: Human and Posthuman (don't have a working title yet)
by Sullivan Edwards -
Notes as I read (it wouldn't let me comment on the doc for some reason so we're doin' this the old fashioned way):
- You could introduce Hayles' theory way earlier by name. When you start discussing Ava's appearance "as an obstacle for her to overcome in gaining her freedom" (killer line btw), you could outright say embodiment, and begin to quote some of the basics of Hayles' theory.
- "biologically humans fall for other humans" - elaborate on this. Imo, either don't be afraid to discuss Ava's manipulation of sexuality up front or don't bring it up at all. Discuss her being initially sexualized by Nathan, about his whole speech about if sexuality and humanity are necessarily linked, about how her embodiment itself was sexual from the get-go, and in all aspects of the production.
- "by experiencing something that is uniquely human" - maybe clarify in a fun lil way? Like "by experiencing something we thought to be uniquely human;" otherwise your point gets a little runny here
- brain blast! Maybe discuss how her embodiment functions as an obstacle, yes, but also as a tool; she uses her own sexuality to manipulate Caleb, her technological nature to manipulate the compound, her physical strength to kill the heck outta Nathan, etc.? idk if thats something that fits into this essay as a whole point, but you could use it to buff up the essay if you need s'more words
- it could be useful to, as olsen does in her paper, break down the symptoms of trauma Ava exhibits, and try to see if that is just a psychological manipulation she is attempting to use on Caleb, or a legitimate stress response that is the result of her weird little "wetware" brain. professor harper's anecdote about how she believed the androids to have real human-like consciousness is when they forced Nathan to look them in the eyes as they killed him? thats a good bit, for sure
OVERALL: Good stuff my friend. I think this essay is headed in a good good direction, and I thoroughly enjoy the questions you're bringing up. Hayles & Olsen is a real fun combo, and I think Ex Machina is a good field for their dialogue. I would recommend blending them a bit more, and considering the theory a bit more, b/c right now their kind of being overshadowed by exposition of the fiction.
- You could introduce Hayles' theory way earlier by name. When you start discussing Ava's appearance "as an obstacle for her to overcome in gaining her freedom" (killer line btw), you could outright say embodiment, and begin to quote some of the basics of Hayles' theory.
- "biologically humans fall for other humans" - elaborate on this. Imo, either don't be afraid to discuss Ava's manipulation of sexuality up front or don't bring it up at all. Discuss her being initially sexualized by Nathan, about his whole speech about if sexuality and humanity are necessarily linked, about how her embodiment itself was sexual from the get-go, and in all aspects of the production.
- "by experiencing something that is uniquely human" - maybe clarify in a fun lil way? Like "by experiencing something we thought to be uniquely human;" otherwise your point gets a little runny here
- brain blast! Maybe discuss how her embodiment functions as an obstacle, yes, but also as a tool; she uses her own sexuality to manipulate Caleb, her technological nature to manipulate the compound, her physical strength to kill the heck outta Nathan, etc.? idk if thats something that fits into this essay as a whole point, but you could use it to buff up the essay if you need s'more words
- it could be useful to, as olsen does in her paper, break down the symptoms of trauma Ava exhibits, and try to see if that is just a psychological manipulation she is attempting to use on Caleb, or a legitimate stress response that is the result of her weird little "wetware" brain. professor harper's anecdote about how she believed the androids to have real human-like consciousness is when they forced Nathan to look them in the eyes as they killed him? thats a good bit, for sure
OVERALL: Good stuff my friend. I think this essay is headed in a good good direction, and I thoroughly enjoy the questions you're bringing up. Hayles & Olsen is a real fun combo, and I think Ex Machina is a good field for their dialogue. I would recommend blending them a bit more, and considering the theory a bit more, b/c right now their kind of being overshadowed by exposition of the fiction.