Bromfield- On Teens

Bromfield- On Teens

by Gabe Adels -
Number of replies: 3

One thing that stuck out to me in the Bromfield reading from "Teens in Therapy" was the idea that the therapists insights matter relatively little, and probably don't deserve to be articulated out loud to the client. Often, the therapist's first goal is to disarm the client, who is often unhappy to be there in the first place after a referral for some kind of misbehavior. This can be done by meeting some of the unmet needs of the client, namely in validating their feelings and creating a holding environment in which they can express some of the emotion that is often met with discomfort. Any sort of insight should emerge from the client themselves, with the therapist only asking clarifying, and perhaps, subtly leading questions as to whether or not the client feels their responses and actions serve their own best interests and goals. 

I'm curious about Bromfield's assertion that it is a deeply satisfying experience to feel that one is deeply understood by another person. It resonates with me, but it also sounds a little vague. Can you ever be wholly understood by another? Would the extent to which you feel understood depend on factors such as how much time you spend with another, and the quality of that time? I wonder if you can attain the feeling of being understood merely by explaining yourself in a journal, and if perhaps what we seek isn't the other person, but the sense of knowing yourself. 

In reply to Gabe Adels

Re: Bromfield- On Teens

by Melissa DiJulio -
Hey Gabe,

I really appreciate your thoughts here! In particular, I found your rumination around the idea of being understood/knowing oneself. For me, the idea is a sort of both/and. Journaling or other ways of coming into greater relationship with myself can be really powerful, AND I think that being witnessed in that growth makes a huge difference. Archetypally, too, I'm thinking of the Hero's Journey by Joseph Campbell. There's the Journey itself, but it doesn't complete until the hero returns to their community. That reintegration is a form of witness. To be fair, being witnessed is different than being totally understood by another person. I'd love your thoughts on how you think this idea of witness plays into your working thoughts here.

Thanks,
Melissa
In reply to Melissa DiJulio

Re: Bromfield- On Teens

by Victoria Valadao Napier -
Journaling is so wonderful and I am glad you brought it up Gabe. It's a wonderful self-soothing activity. I do think we need witnesses in our journey. I like your idea Melissa about the hero coming back from the journey to community. It makes me want to read that book, though I have seen Bill Moyer's documentary about it that was truly compelling. Circling back to the idea of being understood by the therapist which Bromfield brings up, I have had therapists where I feel I have to prove my feelings, give evidence like I'm before a judge. I have also had therapists who are constantly nodding their head saying that must be hard. I will take the latter over the former any day!
In reply to Victoria Valadao Napier

Re: Bromfield- On Teens

by Gabe Adels -
Thanks for your replies! I really appreciate the "Power of Myth" example you bring up. I agree that both growth/understanding of oneself vs. feeling seen/understood are in fact separate and important phenomena. Not sure exactly how nerdy we can all get here together, but the Joseph Campbell example makes me think of "The Scouring of the Shire" chapter of Lord of the Rings, when Frodo returns to the Shire to find it ravaged by war, which to me, reads as a metaphor for the trauma he's endured, and the self that can never be truly the same after undergoing such an experience.
I guess where I was coming from with my rumination is that you can make efforts to explain yourself which will fall short of the goal of feeling understood. I suppose that's why a good therapist (or loving people in general) are important! Because it isn't just the effort you take in explaining yourself, but the quality of the listening that translates to feeling truly understood.
And to satisfy the requirement of my class #4 forum posting: I enjoyed the context given at the beginning of Chapter 14 of Boyd Webb, in terms of understanding the statistics of family and community trauma, ands the signs of PTSD and attachment disorders, but I found a beautiful, condensed nugget of practical wisdom in some of the exercises and treatment modalities. She mentions making space for how kids feel, and what they wish, and I think these 6-words might define my most simplified approach to working with children. Make space for them to express how they feel, and find out what they want. Kids specifically, or maybe it's just my current client, seems to have a lot to say about how he wishes things were, and voicing those desires seems to lead pretty quickly to the analysis of his own tendencies and fosters the sense of agency that he sometimes regrets that he lacks.