Oppressive Double Bind for Women, the Myth of Individualistic Autonomy, and the Risk of Paternalism

Oppressive Double Bind for Women, the Myth of Individualistic Autonomy, and the Risk of Paternalism

by Precious Ibiloye -

A part of the text that I found interesting was the term "oppressive double bind” and how women that when pursuing autonomy, no matter what they choose to pursue they will get criticism. While men prioritize themselves and their own personal pursuits over family over praise and being brave and courageous. In the passage Friedmen discusses Paul Gauguin’s story about abandoning his family to pursue his passion for art and is often praised as an example of self autonomy (page 2).  But yet his freedom was at the expense of the care and support provided by the family he abandoned. In contrast, when women seek for similar independence they often face scrutiny. In the story, A Doll’s House Nora leaves her husband and kids in the pursuit of freedom but is scolded for not fulfilling her wife and motherly “duties” (page 2). These examples raise questions about whether the traditional idea of autonomy has always been fair to everyone or whether it has always been in favor of men while restricting opportunities for women 

Another part of the passage I found interesting was the idea that “our personal autonomy can only be developed within a society” (page 4). This challenges the assumption that autonomy requires full independence from others. Traditional ideas tend to portray an autonomous person as a self-sufficient and governing individual excluded from the influence of social relationships and dependencies. Considering how we as people grow, our identities, values, emerge through relationships and interactions with family, friends, and other communities of people. There is a misconception that trust, care, and dependence are a burden to autonomous individuals but these things are actually what make great autonomous decision making individuals. It raises questions about whether the idea of a completely independent individual is an accurate depiction of what human agency looks like. If “autonomy can only be developed within a society” like mentioned in the passage,  then freedom is not defined by full isolation from others, but it is a relational attribute that can only be built and sustained through our relationships with others. 


Despite many feminist theorists rightfully calling out the impact of oppressive aspects of society, there is also a danger in assuming that people who live in certain environments are not living autonomously. In the passage Hill Jr. uses the example of the "Differential Housewife”, where he describes a woman who is constantly deterring her husband and placing his interests above her own (page 9).  Without question, many people would assume that her life is not autonomous and is feeding into our patriarchal society, but by doing this leads to a paternalistic mindset dismissing her ability to choose her own way of life. There are people who value caregiving, family, domestic abilities, and don't mind being a stay at home wife/mom. We need to be able to recognize the influence of oppression without immediately judging the choices of those who live within it. If we do, our attempts to protect one’s autonomy can actually undermine it. 


Oppressive Double Bind for Women, the Myth of Individualistic Autonomy, and the Risk of Paternalism

by Precious Ibiloye -
Connection to my own experience:

- I was really intrigued by the term "oppressive double bind I never heard this term be used for content I have seen before. I can relate a lot to the first statement I made, growing up raised by immigrant parents from Western Africa there is a similar expectation that was shown. Many women are expected to prioritize things such as marriage, family, etc. but the man is never questioned or told what he should be pursuing. I witnessed this very frequently in my home where my father would pursue his own interests selfishly at the expense of my mother having to carry the burden of taking care of my sister and I. My mom also had her own interests and desires but chose not to pursue them because she believed her responsibility to primarily take care of my sister and I, disregarding her own feelings in the process. Being born and raised in the US its but of a cultural shock but they tend to praise and put a big emphasis on women being independent putting themselves first, but at the end of the day are still criticized for doing so, similarly to more traditional cultures.

- In regards to the second response, I always believed that an individual having personal autonomy meant to entirely standing on your own, being untouched by outside influence. I was operating under the assumption that the fewer factors I considered, the freer I would feel, away from messy situations and opinions. But looking back the only reason I was able to become the person I am today is because I set boundaries due to past experiences and interactions with other people. I learned what I value by engaging with people and things I don't. It was only when someone overstepped a boundary when I realized it needed to exist in the first place. My sense of autonomy was developed for me by the community that was built around me.

- Despite my upbringing in a traditional Western African home, my mother always taught me to be independent, to rely on no one, and to build a life entirely on my own. This was also an ideology that was always reinforced by Western society that measures a women's freedom and autonomy by her career, financial status, and refusal to conform to traditional norms. I was guilty doing this myself. When I saw women who were choosing to be stay at home moms, wives/girlfriends it felt unsettling. To me, it looked like they were comprising their freedom in order to receive validation from men. But I realized that I was only imposing my own biases to others. The true importance is to respect peoples choices whether or not we agree with it. When we dismiss a women's desire to care give and live a domestic life we become paternalistic as the passage stated. We are undermining the very autonomy that we promote. True autonomy and liberation means to advocate for a women's right to choose to break that tradition or continue to live it and still thrive with either path they choose.